Building The Bond

There are no bad kids. only misguided ones. Step up to the plate and guide your children. Teach and show them how to do things right. It is your responsibility! Parents can often be the worst critics of other parents. When you see another child misbehaving, do you automatically assume that the child is bad because of bad parenting?  Consider the bigger picture. Sometimes children have disabilities that manifest in inappropriate behaviour. Their parents may be worn out from constant vigilance. Cut them some slack. But make sure you are paying attention and guiding your own children. They need you!

A Little Note About Power and Control

The ancient roots of fatherhood may have been in power and control, but we live in different times today. We don't have to always have things our way. In fact, it is important to not always have things our way.  One way to do that is to listen to others. Listening is a radical concept. It takes putting your own wants and needs on the back burner. And when you listen, you need to really hear what your family is saying. When you do things with your family, do things that are important to them. I'm not saying ignore your own desires completely, as sometimes they are also good learning experiences for your children. I'm saying that if they want to play Frisbee instead of swimming, go with that. If they want to play soccer instead of baseball, go with that. If they want you to watch a program on television with them, you get the idea.. You can chose to do your own thing later, outside of family time.  I think things happen for a reason, so, you need to take the time to learn what the lesson is in every action, everyday.

Strong Foundations

     As a real estate agent, I believe there's a parallel between selling homes and building relationships.If you don't put any energy into maintaining a building, it will at some point, fall apart. You need to support the foundation, repair cracks, and put energy into a building. That's like relationships. You need to maintain your relationship and deal with and fix issues to keep the foundation strong. And remember that you have an impact on all the people around you. A good friend of mine once told me that our touch ( or imprint) on others doesn't fade.I think that is true, whether the imprint is from a slap or from a hug. Love and be loved, and ensure that your imprint reflects that.

Stepping Up to Fatherhood

We've all heard the expression "stepping up" right? it is often used to describe increasing something or bringing something to the fore. Too often, I see men who don't or worse, won't step up to their role as partners, husbands,and fathers. It really hurts my heart.One of the things I really want to do with this book is impress upon other men how important fatherhood is, and how they should relish the role.
It is my great hope that the men who desperately need to work on their father skills will read this book and use the stories, lessons, and activities in it to start a new path tp relevant fatherhood. There are far too many absent fathers in this world, and many of them aren't even physically absent-they are sitting on the couch, zombified by their own wants and needs, and anesthetized by work and other "meaningful" or "necessary" commitments. Meanwhile, their families exist in misery (or in some cases learned indifference) without them. I want to show these men that their actions, and inactions, have real consequences both for them and their families.

A Work in Progress
There are no rulebooks out there for fatherhood. No guides that describe what to do in each situation in life. We're all born blank slates and then we learn what we are taught and what we see-or what we teach ourselves. Often, we repeat the same things, or the same patterns and mistakes passed on by our parents and caregivers. This could mean that if we were ignored, we will ignore, if we were abused, we will abuse, and if we were mistreated, we will mistreat. I say "could" because I don't believe it is fait accompli. Not everyone who has a rough childhood grows up to repeat the same behaviours with their children. The cycle can end. The contract can be broken, and things can change.

Tips on Self-Esteem
 1. Always remember that you are worthy of love.
 2. Don't let your fears and accumulated pain stop you from doing good.
 3. Act like an adult and take charge without being abusive or manipulative.
 4. Heal yourself. Recognize when you have a problem and seek help from a trained professional.
 5. Think positively about yourself and others.
 6. Always act out of love.
 7. Be sesitive to your children's feelings and needs.
 8. Fear and anger are learned. Your child does not need to learn fear and anger from you.
 9. Be a good role model.
10. Give positive encouragement, even when your child has had a setback. Tell them you are proud of         them for trying.

15 Powerful Things Happy People Do Differently

The following is a very good article I found on www.purposefairy.com:

What is the difference between happy people and unhappy people? Of course, it may be very obvious, happy people are happy while unhappy people are unhappy, right? Well, that is correct, but we want to know what are the things that these people do differently and that is why, I have put together a list of things that HAPPY people do differently than UNHAPPY people.

1. LOVE vs. FEAR. Well, I can tell you for sure that those people who are really happy,FEAR less and LOVE a lot more. They see each moment, each challenge, each person as an opportunity to discover more about themselves and the world around them.

2. ACCEPTANCE vs. RESISTANCE.  Happy people understand that you can’t really change a situation by resisting it, but you can definitely change it by accepting that it is there and by understanding that there might be a reason for its existence. When something unpleasant happens to them, they don’t try to fight it, knowing that this will make the situation even worse, but rather, they ask themselves questions like: What can I learn from this? How can I make this better? and they go from there, focusing on the positive rather than on the negative. They always seem to see the glass half full no matter what happens to them.

3. FORGIVENESS vs. UNFORGIVENESS. Really happy people know that it’s not healthy to hold on to anger. They choose to FORGIVE and FORGET, understanding that FORGIVENESS is  a gift they give to themselves first and foremost.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”Buddha

4. TRUST vs. DOUBT. They trust themselves and they trust the people around them. No matter if they talk to the cleaning lady or the C.E.O. of a multi billion company, somehow they always seem make the person they are interacting with feel like there is something unique and special about them.

They understand that beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies, and because of that, they make sure to treat everybody with love, dignity and respect, making no distinctions between age, sex, social status, color, religion or race. These are the great men that Mark Twain was talking about: “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” Mark Twain

5. MEANING vs. AMBITION.  They do the things they do because of the meaning it brings into their lives and because they get a sense of purpose by doing so. They understand that “Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life” like Wayne Dyer puts it, and they care more about living a life full of meaning rather than, what in our modern society we would call, living a successful life.

The irony here is that most of the time they get both, success and meaning, just because they choose to focus on doing the things they love the most and they always pursue their heart desires. They are not motivated by money; they want to make a difference in the lives of those around them and in the world.

6. PRAISING vs. CRITICIZING. Happy people would probably agree with Carl’s Jung theory on resistance: “What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size”. They don’t criticize the absence of the behavior they want to reinforce, but rather, every time the behavior is present, even if it’s not that often, they know that by praising the person and the behavior, they will actually reinforce the positive behavior.

When a parent wants to make sure that his 7 years old boy will learn to always put the toys back in the box after he’s done playing with them, he will make sure not to focus on the many times the child won’t do it, criticizing him and his behavior, but rather, every time the little boy does put the toys back, the parent will praise him and his behavior and that is exactly how he will reinforce the positive behavior, and in the end geting the wanted results.

7. CHALLENGES vs. PROBLEMS. Happy people will see PROBLEMS as CHALLENGES, as opportunities to explore new ways of doing things, expressing their gratitude for them, understanding that underneath them all lies many opportunities that will allow them to expand and to grow.

8. SELFLESSNESS vs. SELFISHNESS. They do what they do not for themselves, but for the good of others, making sure that they bring meaning, empowerment and happiness in the lives of many. They look for ways to give and to share the best of themselves with the world and to make other people happy.

 ”Before giving, the mind of the giver is happy; while giving, the mind of the giver is made peaceful; and having given, the mind of the giver is uplifted.”Buddha

9. ABUNDANCE vs. LACK/POVERTY. They have an abundant mindset living a balanced life, achieving abundance in all areas of life.

10. DREAMING BIG vs. BEING REALISTIC. These people don’t really care about being realistic. They love and dare to dream big, they always listen to their heart and intuition and the greatness of their accomplishments scares many of us.

“Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men.” Goethe

11. KINDNESS vs. CRUELTY. They are kind to themselves and others and they understand the power of self love, self forgiveness and self acceptance.

12. GRATITUDE vs. INGRATITUDE. No no matter where they look, no matter where they are or with who, they have this capacity of seeing beauty where most of us would only see ugliness, opportunities, where most of us would only see struggles, abundance where most of us would only see lack and they express their gratitude for them all.

13. PRESENCE/ ENGAGEMENT vs. DISENGAGEMENT. They know how to live in the present moment, appreciating what they have and where they are, while still having big dreams about the future.

“When you are present, you can allow the mind to be as it is without getting entangled in it. The mind in itself is a wonderful tool. Dysfunction sets in when you seek your self in it and mistake it for who you are.” Eckhart Tolle

14. POSITIVITY vs. NEGATIVITY. No matter what happens to them, they always seem to keep a positive perspective on everything and by doing so, they tend irritate a lot of negative and “realistic” people.

15. TAKING RESPONSIBILITY vs. BLAMING. They take full ownership over their lives and they rarely use excuses. Happy people understand that the moment you choose to blame some outside forces for whatever it is that happens to you, you are in fact giving all your power away, and they choose to keep the power for themselves and taking responsibility for everything that happens to them.

Copyright: www.purposefairy.com

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